Where are You on your To-Do List?
Modern life feels so stressful and overwhelming that we don’t even notice that nagging feeling that we need to stop and come up for air. Constantly treading water has become a way of life for so many of us, it feels almost impossible to relax. Even when we really want to, something inside stops us. The fear of drowning has made us work overtime in most areas of our lives. But what if there was a way to still work through your responsibilities and obligations and take deep, nourishing care of yourself with the same intensity? It sounds like a dream dreamt up by someone who has plenty of time, plenty of resources, and plenty of energy to actualize this in real life. I found the idea challenging as well, but when I slowly started to invite more nourishment into my life in small and practical ways, I noticed a shift inside me that said, More of this please. Devoting to myself, my body, my inner world, opened up a space where I was cared for, loved, and taken care of with the same tenderness, attention, and love that I gave to others so willingly.
Maybe you are someone who is always ready to help another person, be it a friend, a family member, or at work- the feeling of pouring out is one you know very well. You very likely can anticipate the next ball likely to drop and jump in first to keep it up in the air before anyone even notices that it may be falling. You may be someone who tackles her to-do list with determination and efficiency and is giddy with pride when checking off another box on that list. There is no doubt you are productive, but how are you feeling about it all? Depleted? Unappreciated? Exhausted? So many women are overachieving and overperforming every single day and suffering silently. It’s the only way they know how to be in the world, because they never knew there was another way. Maybe you thought you had to hold it all together or it would all fall apart. If not you, then who?
If this sounds familiar, you are in good company. Many women I speak with are wearing so many hats and playing so many roles, they forgot what is most important to them. They have lost sight of who they are and what they want, lost and forgotten in their daily grind. They bravely say YES to the next thing asked of them while gritting their teeth behind that brilliant smile with a stomach full of knots. Have you ever said yes and later (moments later) regretted it? What if there was a space that was created between the ask and the answer? There is indeed a space, we have just become accustomed to responding and reacting without first honoring what we truly want, and what we are available for. Without self-inquiry, we are just responding and reacting. Slowing it all down is life changing. An embodied way of living is where slowing down to check in with our bodies becomes a lifestyle. By tuning in and listening to the whispers of your internal felt senses and learning the language of it, you naturally become more self-honoring. You become more sensitive to what it feels like when you say Yes, when you really want to say No. You notice what truly lights you up and excites you, and what zaps your energy and leaves you feeling drained. Following these threads with curiosity and shining the light of awareness upon them opens you up to notice what you need, want, and desire.
Here are 3 simple ways to invite a bit of self-exploration and create space to pause and feel as opposed to our usual mode of operation, which is often action based.
How does it feel to be still?
The noise of the world is incredibly overstimulating, so much so, that we may feel quite uncomfortable when it’s quiet. If you find yourself trying to fill in the gaps between actions with something else to “do”, let’s gently try to be with the space between. Simply notice, and ask yourself, how am I doing when it’s quiet? Am I squirmy, wiggly, or tapping my leg? Am I scanning the room for another task to jump up to accomplish? Maybe you want to melt into the quiet more but feel guilty. This is a moment to just notice what’s here. I invite you to journal or jot down a few notes about what shows up within you when your world feels still and quiet. Take at least 60- 90 seconds to just notice without doing anything about anything. Breathing into what you notice and just be with it.
Notice what is happening within your body.
Do you have a sense of uneasiness? If so, where? Maybe your heart or mind is racing. Maybe you just can’t turn off the inner chatter. Perhaps even attempting to take a deep breath feels strange. Maybe your breath feels constricted. Whatever you are noticing, know that it is welcome. Maybe you notice dueling or conflicting feelings. It doesn’t have to make sense. This is simply an exploration of what’s here. Again, allow 60-90 seconds to just notice what you’re feeling within your body and gently breathe into it without stepping into an action.
What do I really want, need, or desire in this moment?
There is no right or wrong answer. In the stillness of this moment, ask yourself, Body, what do I need? What do I want? What do I desire? Perhaps you will recall a specific situation in your life that is playing out. Bring this forward and see what arises within you. Notice where you feel it in your body as you ask and how your body responds to these questions. Breathe into this for 60-90 seconds and reflect on what arose. Journal or take a few notes on what arose.
If this felt weird or unfamiliar, know that’s ok. That is understandable, because this is not what most of us have been taught or modeled as a way of navigating decision making or moving through life. What’s wonderful is that bite size micro moments of self-inquiry can create a big shift within our beings, and that is where meaningful change is birthed. By doing this, you begin to widen the space between stimulus and response. We slowly wean off of autopilot. We learn to be for a moment before jumping into doing. This takes practice, but that’s ok. Everything new thing does. The first time you say no when you really mean no, you can’t’ help but smile to yourself. Realizing and really feeling what it’s like to honor yourself in small ways will motivate you to do it again. Developing a new skill takes practice and may feel uncomfortable. To keep yourself on track, start small. Don’t jump right into the big stuff, just start small with what feel attainable for right now. Remember that there is both an unlearning and a learning process happening. You are unlearning a old way of doing things while simultaneously learning a new skill. Lastly, be gentle with yourself. You won’t always get this “right”. Know that there is not right, and that you are doing your very best. New skill takes time to develop. Your awareness is everything and life will continue to give you plenty of opportunities to practice!
